How to Lead When a Team Member Went for the Same Role
When two people go for the same leadership role, only one gets it. But what happens next, especially for the person who didn’t get the role, can significantly impact team dynamics, workplace culture, and overall performance. Leadership disappointment is more common than we acknowledge, and how it’s managed can either strengthen or destabilise your organisation.
This is a familiar situation in many workplaces: someone goes for a leadership role, doesn’t get it, and now has to report to the person who did. This moment is more than awkward, it can trigger complex emotional responses, power dynamics, and patterns of behaviour that, if left unchecked, affect trust, performance, and psychological safety across the team.
Dealing with Rejection in the Workplace: What’s at Stake?
Not getting the job can sting. But what matters is how someone processes that disappointment and shows up afterwards. When a colleague responds to rejection with unhelpful behaviour such as withdrawal, passive resistance, or even active sabotage, they’re not just expressing disappointment; they’re signalling a challenge to the leadership and values of the team.
It’s tempting to look away, especially when the person’s behaviour is dressed up as “just having a hard time.” But avoidance sends a message: that behaviour is acceptable. In reality, it’s not just unhelpful, it undermines trust, collaboration, and accountability.
Performance Management Starts with a Conversation
Performance management tools aren’t only about formal procedures. They start with a clear conversation. Here’s what you might say:
“I know you were interested in the leadership role, and I imagine that was disappointing. I also notice some of your recent behaviours seem to reflect that disappointment, they’re getting in the way of the team working effectively. We need to find a way forward together.”
This is leadership. This is accountability. You're not attacking, you’re naming behaviour, making space for emotion, and offering a path forward. These are all core skills in difficult conversation management and leadership development.
Accountability in Leadership: What If They Don’t Change?
Sometimes, the response is defensiveness or denial. That’s why consistency matters. Even if you can’t formally escalate, perhaps because of your organisational setup, union involvement, or a lack of clear processes. You can choose not to collude with the behaviour.
Here’s what that looks like:
Naming unhelpful behaviour calmly and clearly
Refusing to enter into a silent power struggle
Using language that highlights values, not just rules
Focusing on what’s observable, not assumed motives
If your organisation does allow for formal tools like performance improvement plans (PIPs), this is the time to use them. But where that’s not possible, the next best tool is clarity in your expectations, communication, and boundaries.
Supporting Without Colluding
Some individuals genuinely struggle with rejection and need support to reframe their contribution in their current role. If the dynamic hasn’t escalated too far, it may be worth sitting down with them to reflect on their value in the role they hold. But if the behaviour has become disruptive or toxic, the priority is naming and managing it, not smoothing it over.
Leadership means doing the uncomfortable thing when it’s the right thing. When we avoid naming what’s happening, we leave room for resentment, confusion, and inconsistent standards.
Leading Through Disappointment: Clarity Over Conflict
We can't control how others respond to disappointment but we can control how we lead. If someone is using their feelings to determine how they treat others or how they do their job, we are within our rights and responsibilities as leaders to address that directly. This isn’t about being punitive, it’s about ensuring the workplace remains one of respect, accountability, and performance.
Managing rejection in the workplace doesn’t have to be a minefield. It’s a moment for clarity, courage, and connection.
If you're facing something similar, or want to explore how to apply these ideas in your own leadership practice, feel free to reach out. Confidentially, of course. Real-life challenges help us build real-life solutions.